Hey there,

We ‘re back from a  wonderfully hot, sunny holiday in Miami. Every year the four of us take off for better weather and do our best to unplug (and not kill each other) while living in a 10 x15 space.

This year, we managed a fine balance between tourist-y activities and hanging out at the beach, restaurant meals and healthy snacks from Publix,  hunting for sea shells and killing zombies in the hotel Games Room.

Here are some more highlights.

1. With the help of swim goggles, Mason discovered that I “have a hairy bum” and then announced this to everyone within earshot. For the record, he meant my undercarriage, not my back side, okay?

2. Madelaine’s new alter ego, Jasmine, learned to speak “Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, Japan and China.”

3. My obsession with vintage table cloths took the family on an “adventure” to a Goodwill in one of the bleakest sections of Miami. The kids slept in the car while Jay circled the streets taking in the drug deals and depressing scenery. I was late for the pick up time. Jay got mad. Really mad. He marched into the store and summoned me with a “Lisa time’s up!”  Mortified. I sulked. Really sulked. Ta da, we got our vacation fight out of the way.

4. Jay and I found out that a margarita at lunch really takes the edge off.

5. We hit the Miami Seaquarium. Watching a giant killer whale torpedo out of the water for a smelt was  both breathtaking and depressing.  Also, I don’t ever again want to witness a sea lion slap a girl’s ass or do mock  mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

6. Mason discovered how to be a big boy: he pulled his pants down and his Star Wars underwear up, wore his cap on an angle and walked with a really cool gait.

7. I  earned the dubious title of “Most Inappropriate Parent” one morning at Denny’s. Here’s how it went down:

Mason: Dad do you think you would ever date one of your old girlfriends again?

Me: Not unless he wants his dink cut off  (I make a cutting gesture with my fingers for emphasis).

8. Jay discovered that it’s not the least bit erotic when a leathery, ancient grandma in a tiny bikini, has a  “nip slip.”

9. The Easter Bunny is real and came to Miami –wearing a pink satin dress — naturally.

10. Pelicans are our new favourite bird.

It’s so good to be home.

Adios,

Lisa