Presenting…Drew Barrymore wearing the Pig Face Support Strap!

I almost feel bad.

Here is the winner to the Pig Face Support Strap Contest. This is the first (and only) person to draw a picture of one of my favourite bug-me’s wearing this device. Okay, so Jay Sankey (my husband) is the winner. And, I do think she looks a little more like Madonna then Drew. Nonetheless, the strap is awesome and the heinous-ness sublime.

When his custom shirt is ready, I’ll show you what he picked. Any other takers? I’ll make ONE more free shirt for the next first person to send me a picture of either Drew, Madonna, Danny Kaye, John Mayer, Tonya Harding, Nancy Kerrigan or my newest, favourite bug-me Kate Gosselin wearing the Pig Face Support Strap.

Kate  has  dethroned Danny Kaye because while Danny gets on my nerves and makes my fists itchy — he’s dead and so I rarely see him him. But Kate is a thoroughly repulsive Reality who-er (I’m trying to force you to pronounce “whore” in the back-country local way I’ve grown to love.)  narcissist and she’s EVERYWHERE…especially since she ditched her man-bob for extensions. Move over Dina Lohan, we have a NEW Mother of the Year!

Adios,

Lisa

I do like people who bug me. They scratch a delicous, satisfying  angry itch.

My list of bug-me’s is evolving. I’m always open to add on new ones and occassionally someone becomes un-bug-worthy. It’s Friday, so I’ve decided to list some of my All Star Bug-Me’s:  Madonna (your earthwormy, cut arms and immobilised face aside — why DO you to take yourself so seriously?  Tonya Harding AND Nancy Kerrigan (Oh my, another Winter Olympics and they’re drama is back! Why the hate-on? One. They both have pig noses. Two Kerrigan is so precious and her gums combined with the snout…yikes, it uh bugs me. Three. Tonya, I know your life’s been rough…but you need to pull your train wreck out of the station and just be quiet somewheres.  Drew Barrymore. What’s with the whispy baby talk? Weren’t you an alcoholic and a drug addict at 6? Come on, who’s kiddin’ who?

But my go-to-guy, has to be Danny Kaye. My fists get itchy when I watch slapstick. For a Friday gift I’ve included his “Maladjusted Jester routine.” Makes me cringe every time.

Danny Kaye makes bile fast in 1956 movie The Court Jester

To compensate for my self-indulgence, I am offering a contest. The first person to either draw or super-impose the Pig Face Support Strap (from the February 13 post) on any of my mentioned bug-mes will win a free, custom t-shirt. Just the face strap please — any submissions involving creepy stuff or uncovered genitals won’t be considered. Hopefuly we’re all on the same page here.

Have a great weekend!

Adios,

Lisa

Hey there,

Ahh the scoop neck. I was first introduced to this “cut” back in Belleville in the late 70s. Belleville’s mecca was, and I think still is, the  Quinte Mall, home of Sneaky Pete’s (for fried things), Bruce the Moose (at Christmas) and an iron-on-decal t-shirt store–T-shirt Express.

Oh my God, I loved T-shirt Express. People with T-shirt Express shirts were cool people who had Visa or Rainbow jeans, a collection of Bonne Belle Lipsmackers, perfectly unlaced Greb boots and a good(?) feathered haircut. Of course I wasn’t cool. I wore Cougar boots, I had cola kissing potion (which I sipped) and my mom sewed  my clothes — costumes really. The decal shirt of course, was way way out of reach…until I started babysitting and there was a sidewalk sale at the Quinte Mall.

Now, not all decals are scoop-worthy. No, the scoop neck was classy, sophisticated and a little sexy/slutty. If you went half slut, it had to be  the red rose paired with “A touch of class,” in wedding font (because, she only has the titchiest touch of class) and full slut demanded  “Blondes have more fun.”

But what about me? How could I express myself with T-shirt Express shirt? Naturally, I chose a brown scoop with  “Brunettes have more class.” because, quite frankly, we do. By the way, they also had one for redheads. I’ve forgotten it, so I just made up a new one, “Redheads are fiery and glowing.”

So, 30 years later, I’m happy to present to you a really, truly, great scoop neck shirt.

This week’s Custom Coy t-shirt winner is  Robyn Dale of Toronto. She chose a charcoal grey scoop. On the front, He sounds just like Jesus! The back collar features the Make it Stop! kook  and the left sleeve has a killer 70s Orange Crush patch. Check it out.

She's funny because she's crazy.

He's sort of a chubby Kenneth (30 Rock).

Here’s the crowning glory, the beloved Crush patch.

I've had some good times with Orange Crush and Zesty Cheese Doritos.

There you have it, another Custom Coy winner. I’ll draw again this week, if Idon’t have it, enter it before Friday, midnight.

Adios,

Lisa